Monday, December 31, 2012

Action Jackson -Part 1

When Glenn was born, my very first thought was, “Holy shit, that’s what I looked like on my first day.”

To say Glenn looks like me is a bit of an understatement.  I showed him a picture of me when I was his age, and he said, “Hey, that’s me!” He has my haircut, my eyes, nose, and my sense of humor.

When Jackson was born, my very first thought was, “Holy shit, that’s what Tammi’s dad looked like on his first day.”

Unfortunately, that includes his temperament.  Tammi’s dad is a bit of a (how do I say this without getting beat up) he’s a bit gruff…yeah.  Sometimes when Jackson gets frustrated, I laugh to myself, and tell little Mike it will be OK. 

If I could speak bluntly, the truth is when I first met Jackson, or big Mike for that matter, I didn't really care for him all that much.  I know parents aren't supposed to say things like that, and, it makes me uncomfortable, but it is true.  I always tell Tammi it is easier for her to bond with a newborn, because she has known them for nine months longer than me.  

Besides, I’m not saying I didn't love him.  I looked forward to learning what big Mike was like as a toddler.  I didn't bond with Glenn instantaneously either but with him everything was so new.  It made the bonding process easier.  Plus, you know, it was like looking into a weird time machine. Without the novelty and the ego soothing, the difficulty of the process became more noticeable.

Think of it from the father’s perspective.  We spend nine months caring for your wife (hopefully), making sure all her needs are met and that she isn’t plotting to cut you up and store you in the basement. Then, on one random day, you’re handed this crying, screaming, non-sleeping, poop machine.   I don’t know how many machines you’ve met, but they don’t provide the most positive reinforcement.  The closest they get to positive feedback is a smile.  Then, you discover it’s not joy they are expressing but the fact that it is time to change their diaper.

I hate the first six months, and I’m not ashamed to say it.  After six months they get a little easier and begin sleeping better.  More importantly they acknowledge they know who you are and think you’re pretty cool.  Once they get to a year old, they really start to resemble little people. Even then,  it’s not easy but they, at least, have their moments. 

Plus, I said I didn’t like him at first, after a year, if you haven’t bonded with your kids, then you should probably get yourself checked out. 

I’ve cherished getting to know Little Mike, and I can’t wait to see grown Jackson. I think it’s fair to say that every day my love for him has grown. And that’s what really matters

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