Thursday, April 18, 2013

Should I be a Deity?

I am a GOD among women…mostly women… OK, parents.

Well, that’s probably over stating it a bit.  Regardless, I have got some mad parenting skills, and I am not ashamed to admit it.  They just took a bit longer to kick in than I expected. 

I have been watching three additional kids on top of my own.  I’m not certain how their parents will feel about me blogging about them, so forgive me for treading lightly. 

There is the Girl (5), the Boy (3), and the baby (3 months).  When you include my children into the conversation (2 and 4) then I have almost every age group 0 to 5 covered.  If I watched my nephew (1) than I would complete the, what’s the word for a group of six? Oh yeah sextet.  I didn't know that…had to Google it.

I might have overstated my confidence when their mother came over to interview Tammi and me.  She asked if I thought having all five kids would be a challenge.  I’m not sure exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of, “Kids, schmids….I got this.”

The truth of the situation is a bit different.  The first day they all came over, I was a little overwhelmed.  I couldn't get the baby to go to sleep.  Well, that’s not true.  I couldn't get the baby to go to sleep, unless I was holding him. 

They came over in the morning, and it wasn't even until late in the afternoon that I got my head out of my ass.  Uhh HELLO Craig…it’s called a baby swing, and it is in your closet.  By the time they left for the day, my arm felt like jelly.  I awoke the next morning and felt as if I had been in a fight.  Every part of me was sore. 

The next time they all came over I was a bit more prepared.  Their mother handed me the baby, and within moments the kids was swaddled and asleep in his swing.  Still couldn't get him into the crib, but if felt like progress. 

Now?  Now I’m back into shape and ready for the pros again.  Baby went to sleep in his crib.  While he slept everyone else played and eventually I even got lunch done before the baby woke up. Then it was diapers, cartoons, and nap time for everyone under 3.   The two oldest are in front of cartoons, enjoying their quite time.  Jackson and the boy have been asleep for the last hour, and the baby is sitting at my feet, in the bouncy seat, half sleeping and half smiling.  Side note: if you’re having a baby get a bouncy seat, they are from heaven. 

I haven’t even mentioned that I have done the dishes, laundry, and my house is not a disaster zone yet.

So yeah, even though it is likely to all come crumbling down around me any moment…for now I feel like a pro.  Although I guess a disaster would have made a better blog.  I don’t often get to talk of success. 

There was one thing that threw me for a loop.  I’m not used to being in charge of someone else’s kids.  The pressure not to break them is intense.  The girl had asked me for something, and I gave a response that I would have given to my own.  “Well, get up and come and get juice then.  I am not your slave.”

“Craig, what is a slave?”


I would like to amend my previous statements of greatness.  I have no idea what I’m doing.

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