Thursday, April 4, 2013

An Exercise in Caution

***Legal Disclaimer. I LOVE my wife.  When I first wrote this, I was a bit hesitant to post it right away.  The fellow Dad bloggers I shared it with urged me to delete it and never share with anyone.  You see, my wife came off as, well, in their words, “a shrew.”  This was not my goal.  So after some serious edits, let’s see if I can remain happily married tonight. 

My wife is a bit high strung.  She is wound a little tight.  These are not my words, mind you; they come from the mouths of her internship mentor (a man who taught her and she adores).  To her, I would say that she is just highly motivated, but high strung probably works just as well.   

Everything in this life has a ying and a yang.  High strung is both a positive and a negative.  Tammi hears the word and instantly takes offense.  I hear the word, and I see all of the things my wife does for her family.  Yes, I see the negative side of the word as well.  Rest assured, I see it up close and personal.  

If I had wanted a wife who was laid back, I would have sought one.  I also would probably still be working a full time job, we would have money on the credit cards, and my house would be a den of filth.  I don’t clean the house, because I recognize the benefits of a clean house.  I do so, because I know that my wife has high standards, and more than anything, I want her to be happy.  I wouldn't change who she is, or the adjectives that she is described by, but it does come with some drawbacks. 

Her job is stressful, as all jobs are stressful, and when she comes home from work, it tends to take her some time to return to the woman I love.  This results in some comical questions...I mean, serious performance based discussions as she settles in from work.

<Funny story edited out for my own safety….Actually two stories.  I don’t know why I thought making fun of your wife in a public forum was ever going to pass for good writing.  Let me summarize them, sometimes my wife annoys me.>

Marriage is hard.  When you are younger, Disney tells you that you’re going to find your one true love and live happily ever after.  Bullshit.  We are raised with these ideas that not only will our spouse always support us, they will also never think ill of us either.  How can marriage, even a happy one, possibly live up to these expectations?

Here is the thing, as stated above, I love my wife very, very, very much, but sometimes she just pisses me off.  Yet, I don’t need my wife to be perfect.  I need her to push me, make me uncomfortable, and to help me learn to grow with her. 

How can I blog about my life if I can’t tell you when my wife pisses me off?

Why do we try to put forth these pictures of perfection, when everyone knows that we are full of crap?  As a society we discuss, in detail, how to best raise our kids, but we fail to mention helpful tips for our marriage.  This doesn't seem productive.  When I tell you I have no idea what I’m doing with my children, it’s funny.  Yet, when I tell you I have no idea what I’m doing with my marriage, it’s uncomfortable?

Tammi and I try to argue well.  We want our kids to see us get upset with each other, so they can have the tools later in life.  We (try) not to yell, curse, and personally attack.  For the most part we are successful.  By far the most effective tool we have found so far is to allow ourselves do overs.  When we realize we are upset and arguing poorly, we just start over.  Take a deep breath, and make sure the other knows you love them.  Isn't this how we teach our toddlers to deal with their emotions?

You know what?  I’m glad we have had this talk.  I’m not perfect, my kids aren't perfect, and neither is my wife.  I wouldn't have it any other way, and, quite frankly, you’re an idiot if you thought any of us were. I look forward to future discussions on the matter.  

I just hope they don’t take three sets of edits and a pissed off wife next time. 


  1. Saw a statement just yesterday... "I think all girls who are told they are bossy, should instead be told they have 'leadership skills.'" There ya go.

    1. When I told her that I meant high strung as a compliment, all I got was a very cold blank stare.

      I hadn't even thought of it from the gender side of it. If she was a dude it would be seen as leadership. Women always get the down side of the adjectives.